GLORY!blog

Five Years and Goodbye

2009-03-17T19:47:00.003-05:00

Five years ago today, the GLORY!blog began. You saw our desperate days--one of us in Texas and one in Mississippi. You saw our meager one and two week vacations together. You followed us to Disney World. You saw Noby move me to Texas so that the glorious duo could live in sin. You watched us get married, leave Texas, and drive another Penske to Alabama. Through it all, we brought you the photos and the jokes. Seems like a good time to end this thing. We're still spreading the joy, you just won't find it in this particular place on the internet except in archive form. Goodbye, GLORY!bloggers.

Yo Mama Jokes

2009-03-11T00:42:00.001-05:00

Yo mama is so fat that, at the end of an eight week period, she didn't achieve her weight loss goal.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she re-entered the mall parking lot, she had forgotten exactly which lane she parked her car in.

Yo mama is so lazy, after a hard day of work she likes to watch a little TV or read a magazine before tidying up the house.

Yo mama is so skinny, she feels that the low-calorie menu options at restaurants serve appropriate portions.

Yo mama is so poor, she decides to wait until new technological gadgets go down in price before purchasing them.

Yo mama is so tall, she was able to put the star on the Christmas tree without her husband's help.

Yo mama is so nasty, she'll wash her hands after going to the bathroom without using the hand soap.

Yo mama is so ugly, she once tried out for the part of the pretty girl in a movie and was told she wasn't exactly what the director was looking for.

Yo mama is so short, she sometimes has to ask grocery store clerks for assistance in retrieving top shelf items.

Yo mama is so old, she heard a new song, popular among teenagers, and thought it wasn't as enjoyable as the music she grew up with.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that she is advised by her ophthalmologist to wear them while driving at night.

Yo mama's nose is so big that if she crosses her eyes and looks down, she can actually see it.

Yo mama's chest is so flat, she's able, with little difficulty, to jog without wearing a sports bra.

Yo mama's butt is so huge, when she moves past people in a crowded elevator, it's been known to graze them.

Yo mama is so stinky that when she isn't able to shower in the morning, she applies a little extra deodorant before she leaves for work.

Yo mama is so hairy, she sometimes wears jeans instead of a skirt if she doesn't have an opportunity to shave her legs.

Yo mama is so promiscuous, when her husband initiated sex on their first anniversary, she yielded with little resistance.

Little Did Amy Wilkinson Know What She Had Given Birth To . . .

2009-03-03T22:36:00.001-06:00

Scandalous or Not Scandalous?

2009-02-27T19:30:00.006-06:00

It's time to play "Scandalous or Not Scandalous." First I'll show you a picture, then I'll tell you if it's scandalous or not. All of these pictures might be considered "sexy," but only one is considered scandalous: dirty, forbidden, taboo, newsworthy, that which one does not do, etc. Let's play!

NOT SCANDALOUS

NOT SCANDALOUS

NOT SCANDALOUS

NOT SCANDALOUS

NOT SCANDALOUS

SCANDALOUS!

Okay, okay, look away. Here, I'll make it okay for you with some creative Photoshopping.

NOT SCANDALOUS

I hope you enjoyed the game. For more information, see this article.

Glory!blog Throwback, Now Made Without High Fructose Corn Syrup

2009-02-24T20:01:00.005-06:00

We went to the graveyard and I did my skateboarder pose.

Rusty met me in San Antonio and we ate dinner at the Tower of the Americas, which is larger than the Space Needle.

We once went mini-golfing on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I believe this place later went the way of Katrina.

Once I met Noby for the first time at Tommy's apartment.

Rusty channeled his inner politician.

We sat on Jeremy Lespi's porch.

Our shoes rode the WedWay in Disneyworld.

We had Oktoberfest in Rusty's Edinburg apartment

We visited Elvis's house.

Popeye met his match.

Got some Pia-Love

My hair looked nice

The Rusty Spell Dot Com Fairy showed up.

We moved.

I grabbed this guy's butt.

There was a drum cake.

Et cetera.

My Valentine for Bunny

2009-02-14T14:59:00.001-06:00

Droopy Dog Dog Happiness

2009-02-10T03:19:00.002-06:00

Another picture I drew for you to be happy about. Notice the formless construction.

Beavis and Butt-Head and Happiness

2009-02-09T23:29:00.004-06:00

One day when I have some time and feel like it, I want to record me doing some impressions of different characters, put the recording online, and pair it up with drawings of those characters. For now, here's a picture I drew of Beavis and Butt-Head, the characters I am able to sound the most like--probably because I'm a dumbass.

Lest I forget, the mission of the GLORY!blog is to spread the joy, so whenever I think of some little thing to make everyone slightly more happy, I'll put it up. Beavis and Butt-Head make me happy. Maybe they make you happy too. Maybe you should go watch them right now. Get off the sad internet and watch happy Beavis.

So happy things. Because... Jesus H!

You know those documentaries and crap about the Great Depression and how the Three Little Pigs' "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" became an anthem for that period? Maybe now we'll have rampant happiness to combat the New Depression. Maybe the new Disney will come along.

(Note: I actually think that people are full of crap who say that audiences responded to "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" because they compared the wolf to the depression itself.)

I didn't draw this one. John K did. He makes me happy

WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!

Trendy and Popular Baby Names

2009-02-01T20:48:00.005-06:00

Carrie and Rusty have researched the baby names that are projected to be the trendiest and most popular over the next five years for middle-class whites. Here is a list of what we found, for those of you who want to be on the cutting edge of baby-naming.

Ann-Taylor

Appelette

Ashlette

Aubyrn

Austere

Avon

Ayvla

Bayleighf

Birmingham

Brandeigh

Brandywine

Brant

Broughton

Bristle

Brocade

Caleb-Deschanel

Caraway

Cartier

Carton

Cartwheel

Chants

Charmine
Chasety

Chasey Lain

Chastilly

Childe

Childer

Coltrane

Condor

Cottonelle

Crate

Crater

Crayton

Craytonbarrel

Crawdad

Cum

Dawlton

Ether

Finda

Gauge

Glynne-Dean

Gravey

Haytum

Humveigh

Hunt

Ikea

Jakolb

Jaundyce

Jurney

Jury

Kateigh

Kelleighia

Lintelle

Lodon

Maidison

Maidenne

Naim

Paddington

Peytron

Pillage

Plantation

Prestock

Princeton

Princess Cut Diamond Engagement Ring

Pristina

Pritchett

Rhinston

Rhythmme

Ruperock

Rydder-Truk

Ryebredd

Shaylynne

Shay Manning

Shynnford

Squirt

Teller

Thistle

Traytor

Trelsey

Truckly

Virginity

Xanther

Happy Birthday, Bubbles!

2009-01-29T08:55:00.001-06:00

All the Coolest People Smoke (Masculine Edition)

2009-01-20T00:50:00.003-06:00

C.S. Lewis

Martin Tielli

Sigmund Freud

Stephin Merritt

Kurt Vonnegut

John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr

Harold Pinter

P.T. Anderson

Serge Gainsbourg

David Lynch, Birthday Boy

President Barack Obama

Christmas in Miami

2009-01-07T22:53:00.012-06:00

We all gathered for Christmas in Miami again. Some kids were throwing each other around the family room on Christmas Eve until Aunt Mary finally said it was okay to open presents . . .

But then Uncle Leonard made them wait as each family group took their yearly stand-in-front-of-the-tree photo, and made sure that each family member's camera got a shot, so it was probably a good 45 minutes later before the kids got loaded up on Power Ranger toys and we all got to say, again, that they made out like bandits.

(I'm using this Blogger picture uploading thing, by the way, so you can click the pictures to make them huge.)

Christmas is always the same when you're old. Only the clothes change really . . .

Mom got her knives.

Grandma Strick came over.

Dad got his special golf ball finding glasses.

Rusty found the golf ball.

I stole some dark chocolate.

Rusty and I read Harold Pinter (pause, grieve) and Truman Capote outside. We ate the the poo poo platter. When I got to the end of the book, I learned that the family got killed.

Later on, we all dressed alike.

Pajama Party with the Glasses Brigade

Guaranteed Comedy Duo

We finally got to eat the top of our wedding cake.

Practicing what I learned from In Cold Blood.

I guess the anniversary tradition isn't the same when you're wearing your pajamas and sharing it with your parents a half a year late because it was in their freezer all that time.

And the Len Man celebrated it all with a dirty stick and Miami Dolphins cup, showing here:

Happy New Year from the New Year's Gang!

2009-01-01T17:39:00.001-06:00

Rusty, Duly Humiliated

2008-12-29T16:52:00.004-06:00

The winner of the Campaign to Humiliate Rusty Challenge is Mr. Jason B. Bell, who sends us this photo of Rusty perpetually vomiting his own head.

Congratulations, Jason. Your prize is forthcoming.

Big Fun Christmas Post

2008-12-20T23:53:00.005-06:00

We've got the house decorated and we won't be deterred from Christmas, no matter how much Auburn University or the neighbors who still have pumpkin decorations might try to dissuade us.

Our new house comes ready-made for Christmas decorating with holly bushes out front and in the backyard.

Tree's been up since just after Thanksgiving. This is our new friend, shaped like a treble clef.

. . . and now click for a guided tour of the tree with some hillbilly music.

The tree was so awesome that Santa Claus showed up early.

Daddy, is Santa really one hundred and fifteen pounds?

And Santa's elfin friend was here; she ate all the cookies.

Santa left behind an awesome banjo for Rusty to open.

Fun Christmas Fact! The original word for this instrument was bandore--but through slaves' pronunciation, the word became "corrupted" and takes the form we now know: banjo. Some historical references from the Oxford English Dictionary:

1774 P. V. Fithian Jrnl. (1900) "In the School-Room, several Negroes & Ben & Harry are playing on a Banjo & dancing."

c1790 Dibdin Sea-songs (title), "The Negro and his Banjer."

1801 M. Edgeworth Belinda II. xviii. 7 "‘What is this, mamma?—It is not a guitar, is it?’ ‘No, my dear, it is called a banjore; it is an African instrument, of which the negroes are particularly fond.’"

a1845 Negro Melodies (in Bartlett), "Dey dance all night to de ole banjo, Wid a cornstalk fiddle, and a shoe-string bow."

(Stanley, where's my stuffed animal?)

This banjo is called the Goodtimes 2. It has a resonator for extra lovely sound. Pretty good for a surprise present.

Rusty gets on it for one night, having never held a banjo before. He looks at a couple of chords online and has the whole thing figured out. He's amazing, folks. Watch him.

Ever since he started playing, in fact, we've been transported back to the turn of the century. Our digital pictures turned into tintypes.

I, on the other hand, was brought into the technological future by Santa's present, my new Dell Studio Hybrid with a bamboo sleeve.

It's a piece of art, only about the size of a Norton anthology, and it saves the environment by using 70% less power than other desktops. Now I can do whatever I want without hearing the computer grind to a halt because I have two windows open.

And, hey, remember these kids from 2003?

Yeah, they're still just that happy. I love you, Rusty.

Kidnap the Sandy Claws

2008-12-17T21:30:00.002-06:00

Jack Skellington as Sandy Claws

Or: me as Santa Claus if I were slightly more gay.

Howdy Ho!

2008-12-16T00:09:00.002-06:00

My second Christmas character is small and brown and comes from you:

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

"It sure is lookin' Christmasy around here...

... Kyyyyle."

Nestor Was a Donkey...

2008-12-15T22:22:00.004-06:00

I drew a lot of Christmas pictures the other day (for mysterious reasons!) and decided that I would color some of them and share them with you, the GLORY!fans. I'll put them up as I feel like it, until I get bored or leave for Christmas in Miami.

Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

Here's everyone's favorite grey-colored Christmas character Nestor: the amalgam of Rudolph, Dumbo, Bambi, and the Rudolph's Shiny New Year's Baby. He was Jesus' ass.

Here he is even happier:

Watch it here for those who haven't experienced the weirdness.

"Let me ride that donkey donkey. Hey, let me ride that donkey donkey" --Joseph and Mary

Entry Part Deux

2008-12-11T01:50:00.005-06:00

This caption just in from Ted Rooney, most famous for being the husband of country singer Loretta Rooney, a lady who knows her funeral food! Ted is also well known for eating the most crabs at the Beverly Cleary Elementary crab boil! Here's his entry, folks!

"The dark reality of impending mid-life comes home to roost via the probing finger of Rusty's enthusiastically thorough general practitioner...or just enthusiastic GP."

The First Entry in the Humiliate Rusty Challenge

2008-12-08T21:51:00.002-06:00

Derek from Auburn! sends us this:

Caption: "Excellent! Now I can fling poo from 5,000 feet!!!"

I encourage everyone to keep sending in your entries. Rusty has known some of you turkey-necks since the eighth grade, and he's only known Derek for a few months, so it's time for you people to step up to the plate . . . so send your entries to me at carrie at carriehoffman dot com. J.Todd? Noby? Jason? Lori?

Humiliation

2008-12-01T17:34:00.002-06:00

I feel that Rusty's last post was inappropriate; it was like that time Rusty and Tommy walked around the mall doing Bill Cosby impressions, and a woman had to walk up to them to say, "You're insulting. Very insulting."

Rusty deserves some public humiliation, so I'm creating a contest. Creatively photoshop or create a caption for this picture:

The caption or creative photoshop that most chastises Rusty, humiliating and disciplining him as he deserves, will win a special Christmas prize. Post as comments or send them to me by e-mail at carrie at carriehoffman dot com.

Who Needs To Go Potty?

2008-11-30T01:52:00.003-06:00

In honor of our not going to the MLA Convention this year, here are some cute folksy bathroom signs I made.

We Love

2008-11-18T20:14:00.001-06:00

In case it's been a while since you've seen the most beautiful woman and the luckiest guy:

Bork Bork Bork

2008-11-09T20:36:00.002-06:00

As you can see, I went as the slutty Swedish Chef for Halloween.

Elephant Donkey Boxing

2008-11-06T19:04:00.004-06:00

Those who turned to the GLORY!blog for political commentary this season must have been disappointed. Sorry. Guess you should just click the picture below to read our post from four years ago, when we were more cynical, more funny, and more potty-mouthed.

It's Time For Treats

2008-10-30T19:26:00.004-05:00

Happy Halloween, GLORY!fans! Peruse the Halloween fun we've had thus far.

This is my big pumpkin. His name is Earl. Someone punched him in the eye because they didn't like his purple jacket.

And this is Howard, my little pumpkin. His scar cries nightly.

Rusty's monstrous Dracula-woman.

And . . . some guy named Chuck.

This isn't apropos of Halloween, but we ordered our future tombstone. Thought you'd want to see that.

This is how Target gets all of its money in troubled economic times. They put our name on some piece of crap and we buy. No, it will never get old.

Old Pumpkin Row

This is my so-called scary look.

I like to draw on food, put it on my head, and then toss it in the garbage on November first.

Rusty says if I don't start making out with him more often, he's going to cut a hole in his pumpkin woman and stick his tongue in her.

By the way, Rusty is wearing his professor costume.

I display our Halloween bounty. We're lucky we had it since, apparently, Auburn residents declare trick-or-treating happens when it's convenient and started ringing the ding-dong bell a night early.

I, too, like to dig into some Halloween Laffy Taffy.

The Great Halloween Choke.

This isn't my costume, but I like the classiness of this mask.

See how classy?

It is truly classy.

Some old man got in the house and I didn't like it.

But, truly, the scariest thing this season is the McCain-Palin sign across the street!

Photos You Haven't Seen

2008-10-26T18:35:00.002-05:00

All the fun we've been having since we moved to Alabama.

It's been over a month, and we never bothered to report it here, but we went to Atlanta on my birthday to see Kathy Griffin perform. We narrowly avoided missing the whole thing thanks to our own incompetence with the change from Central to Eastern time zone. Here I am in our hotel room, with a view of the Fox Theater, where Kathy performed.

I immediately got sick for a week, so Rusty waited to make my 30th birthday cake.

It had magic, instant-melting candles.

I wore the t-shirt everybody's sick of, just for the occasion. Meanwhile, back in Auburn, men with a ball continued to run around, and that means that everyone must wear an orange t-shirt.

The Auburn tailgate is such a magical experience that I managed to run into my dad's aunt, cousin, and second cousin, as well as old Michael Smith from the Center for Writers, all in the same day.

Only one other event nearby could even approach such magic . . .

The Syrup Soppin' Festival in Loachapoka. I have to say, though, that despite all the throwbacks to the 19th Century--the pop guns, bales of hay, mule rides, people sucking on sugar cane, and Hannah Montana crafts--there was a definite dearth of syrup soppin'.

And one final picture for your delight.

Our shower curtain.

Bimpy and Stinky

2008-10-24T00:22:00.003-05:00

Click the image to see a video of Carrie and me preparing for night-night.

A New Comic... and Just in Time, Too!

2008-10-13T22:43:00.001-05:00

Song I Wrote

2008-10-09T20:33:00.002-05:00

. . . for my husband, who gives me the disturbing Mickeys.

CLICK & LISTEN

Disturbing Mickeys

2008-10-08T00:58:00.002-05:00

To get you in the mood for Halloween.

Don't forget to follow the even more scary comments on how to draw Mickey.

Our Tribute To Linda Hunt, Our Collective Grandmother

2008-09-28T17:04:00.002-05:00

Miss Oxheart, His Mudder, Popeye

Billy Kwan, The Year of Living Dangerously

Shadout Mapes, Dune

Alice B. Toklas, Waiting for the Moon

Miss Schlowski, Kindergarten Cop

Judge Zoey Hiller, The Practice
"MISS DOLE!"

Fair & Balanced

2008-09-21T21:00:00.002-05:00

Since Rusty posted his picture of Barack Obama, I felt obligated to draw a picture of John McCain.

Steven Spielberg is planning to make a movie about the time McCain tried to contact his people using a Speak 'N Spell, but got drunk and eventually ended up flying in the basket of a bicycle while some men with guns photoshopped into Walkie Talkies watched from down below.

Mr. Linkletter

2008-09-16T18:19:00.004-05:00

I've been reading John K's blog. He's the creator of Ren and Stimpy and a supersmart guy. (He's currently got a post up about one of Noby's favorite cartoons, Rock and Rule.) It's nice to read his stuff because he writes it for potential future animators and artists, but since I'm not one of those, I can enjoy what he says without having to do any work as a result!

All that was to say that he's gotten me doodling, and I'm sharing some of those doodles with you here, because happy drawings make happy people happier. I figure if I had taken art in high school, I could have received at least a B plus.

If you don't know who this is supposed to be, I've failed. This isn't an endorsement, by the way, just a drawing.

Some Stimpies and some old-fashioned kids (and a typical Rusty drawing).

Some Snoops da Doops.

Mostly Simpsons.

A pretty good Daffy Duck, though really this is Jealous Duck. Daffy became less Daffy in his later years, unfortunately. Not nearly as much "whoo hoo! whoo hoo!" and instead more "You're despicable." I prefer the daffy one.

My favorite, a Fred Flintstone that could kick your ass. Something evil about this guy. Look at that neck! He's tougher than Tony Soprano.

THAT'S ALL, YOU EEEEDIOTS!

P.S. I noticed we have a "follower" (something I didn't know you could do), so I put a thing on the side to make it more apparent that you can be our disciple if you like.

It's True, Readers . . .

2008-09-12T03:17:00.001-05:00

Now I am . . .

Thirty Rhymes with Perty

2008-09-05T11:54:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy" / "The Thing"?

2008-09-04T16:23:00.001-05:00

If anyone (besides Noby) knows why The Thing is up there, you earn both my respect and my sympathy.

"Jimmy"

2008-09-03T20:46:00.002-05:00

Click the picture for some Jimmy.

"Jimmy"

2008-09-02T16:42:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy"

2008-09-01T00:13:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy"

2008-08-28T15:09:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy"

2008-08-27T17:33:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy"

2008-08-26T23:53:00.001-05:00

"Jimmy"

2008-08-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

Our Treehouse

2008-08-20T13:55:00.004-05:00

Our place isn't ready for public viewing yet, but the outside looks pretty good already. Maybe your remember this post that explained how almost all the trees at our house in TX was cut down, one of the reasons we left that town.

Well, we're happy now! This is Carrie's view from her Hoffice where she reads the website you are reading right now.

Our little magnolia tree.

Our enormous pines. I always wanted to live in one of those houses that was in the middle of the woods, yet also still in the 'burbs.

I had the idea to start picking up little cheap gnomes to put in our back yard, so many that we forget where they all are, things that will come to life at night.

This is the first one close up, with his friend the turtle.

We're not limited to gnomes. We now have more turtles than gnomes.

Close-up, showing his hip-hop hat and springy-bobble neck (and tail).

My favorite tree gnome.

We also like pinwheels (and to sing the song).

Hummingbirds drink from these flowers.

We're hoping one day our back yard sitting area will look like this.

GLORY!comments Volume One

2008-08-14T00:36:00.002-05:00

Those who don't go back to older GLORY!blog posts to read comments that were added much later are missing out. Click here to see what I mean.

The Moving Highlights

2008-08-10T23:17:00.003-05:00

1. Noby no longer lives on North Gay Street. He drove a 26-foot truck with a Corolla towed on the back across four states. He drank at least 8 bottles of orange Powerade. He somehow managed to pull a refrigerator on a dolly up four steps, the only help he received being Rusty pulling on his shoulders from behind. While the last part of that does sound somewhat gay, Noby officially lives on HeteroMan Circle.

2. We killed many butterflies on the front of our truck.

3. Moving actually seemed like work this time, so the above two photos were the only ones we took. We did dress alike again, so picture something like this one from our last move, only make our faces more frowny in your mind's eye.

5. Noby had his magic phone so I got to see a dot moving on the screen. And that dot was us!

6. Moving into the new house was something like what happens when you gain five pounds and you try to fit your big ass into your old jeans.

7. Where is the dish soap?

8. After we unloaded the truck on Sunday, we immediately went to work Monday morning, getting orientated by the English Department and getting our identity managed at the Identity Management Office. Our secret codes are cls0016 and rss0009. Shhhh!

9. You have to be at the house for the gas man to come out, so since we were at work all day long, we had freezing cold showers for three days until we could get our gas on for the hot water heater.

9. My car broke down two days into being in Auburn. It made it across 4 states with Rusty driving it and then it got mad. I now have a very expensive new pink ball of liquid.

10. Rusty put away the dishes before setting up his computer or filing his CDs. I think that means he's been domesticated.

11. There are no electrical outlets in the bathrooms.

12. I guess that means I can't use my new toy there unless I let my toy run on the battery alone. My new toy's name is Big Red and it has 4 gigabytes of memory. And a built-in webcam!

Mailbag 2008

2008-07-29T11:52:00.002-05:00

Who will have the honor of being the first person we get mail from? Everyone is tingling.

If you need our new mailing address, email/myspace/facebook/call/smoke signal us.

28 Jul 2008

2008-07-28T03:47:00.002-05:00

Well, it's 28 Jul 2008. You know what that means. It's been one week since our one year anniversary, so it's time to celebrate!

I won't post any of the things I got my bunny; just know that they were sweet.

Here's something else Carrie made me, an original piece of art:

Those aren't new glasses of mine. Those are old ones. My black ones are in the shop (which is good, else you might not be able to tell me and Carrie apart in that picture).

Hurricane Dolly Update: we lived.

It was pretty much the best hurricane ever as far as we were concerned. First we played the "crank up the air as high as we can stand it and walk around in blankets because we know the power is going off soon and we want to make this place a refrigerator so it'll take longer to become hot" game. The power did eventually go out and it wasn't hot the entire first day. We played the ironically-titled board game Power Grid next in the sunlit kitchen and finished just before it became too dark. Candles were lit.

We listened to the Rio Grand Valley version of idiot on the battery-operated radio. Two girls who were bored drove to the radio station and eventually ended up at the Whataburger where kids were having a hurricane fat-out. Others were shocked and amazed that it was windy and that the electricity didn't work.

We woke up the next day and it was finally hot, but just before we got grumpy, the power came on. I played a Dolly Parton record. Our fence had blown down, but it was fixed the next day without our saying anything. Basically we had a little respite from packing. No one was on the roof, and George Bush didn't have to prove that he hated brown people.

We have four more days to live here and then we're trading in our tacos for our Confederate flags. Sweet home Alabama!

Our First Anniversary

2008-07-21T12:50:00.002-05:00

Friends, it's July 21 again and you know what that means: one year since we did the Rock Lobster! Here are two new pieces of anniversary-related art. I'm especially proud of them.

Back By Popular Demand

2008-07-20T15:03:00.001-05:00

Here at the GLORY!blog we will bring you only one man's Youtube videos.

It's Not Easy Being Green

2008-07-18T19:08:00.007-05:00

Over the years that Rusty and I have been together--from being in two different states to living in sin to our (almost) year of marriagedom--we've slowly accepted certain roles and jobs for ourselves. For example, while it's my job to take care of all renting of huge trucks and car carriers for our recent move, it's Rusty's job to be the house DJ and keep the music going. Or while it's my job to keep our toilet paper supply stocked, it's Rusty's job to get the mail every day. It's something that happened -- we each got certain jobs based on our talents without us ever actually assigning the jobs per se. Malcolm Gladwell wrote something about this in his book The Tipping Point that we both found interesting and that I've been meaning to post. But more on that later; it's not really what this is about.

When we go on vacation, it's Rusty's job to do the in-town driving on unknown streets, and it's my job to navigate and look for street signs and landmarks. On this trip, while Rusty drove the winding roads of Big Sur, rocks on one side and ocean on the other, I had some problems reading the signs. Frankly, this is how they all looked:

The world was out of focus! I needed some new glasses!

Later on, I learned from my handsome Ken doll eye doctor I'd developed a funky fresh astigmatism, illustrated below.

An astigmatism, defined by me, an untrustworthy layman: The eyes look almost the same above, but if you eye them closely, you'll see that the eye with an astigmatism has a more oval-shaped cornea and the healthy eye has a more rounded cornea--so the light enters the eye differently and the eye doesn't quite focus correctly.

Now you know all about my cornea!

The result of my sexy new astigmatism is that I got new glasses for the first time since 1999. So say goodbye to the old tortoise shell glasses you're used to (or don't, since I will probably get new lenses in them since I still love them dearly).

Goodbye Blue Monday

And say hello to my new green architectural glasses.

Lisa Loeb, eat your heart out!

We Could Have a Little Party

2008-07-15T16:34:00.003-05:00

If you're ever up at midnight and feeling kind of blue, there's only one thing to be done...

HAVE A HANNAH MONTANA PARTY!

You can either dress as Hannah herself or, as we did, simply buy T-shirts. Mine's a little small, but I think I could get away with it if I wear it to a post-retro glam gay dance club.

You have to make a cake, of course.

This was the first cake I've ever made. Carrie did the writing.

Carrie was Miley in the back...

... but Hannah in the front. You get the best of both worlds!

The pouty MySpace pictures had to come out eventually.

Thanks, Miley. We had fun!

Your Summer Footwear Spectacular

2008-07-10T18:56:00.006-05:00

Little Known Facts About Crocs

1. They're called "crocs" because, as legend has it, when the founder of the company told his friend Bud that he was going to make sure that these shoes were on every kid in every theme park across the U.S. in the year 2008, Bud replied, "What a crock."

2. Crocs are an All-American brand: the smell of a foot after a full day in Crocs most closely resembles the smell of George Washington's breath.

3. Green Crocs are an aphrodisiac. Men eating greem M&M's while wearing green Crocs have been known to attempt sex with plastic lawn ornaments.

4. The best way to clean your Crocs after stepping in dog poo is to put them in the dish washer. Cleaning your Crocs, however, is not necessarily recommended, as the founder of the company feels that Crocs and dog poo go hand in hand.

5. If you put your crocs into your Crock Pot and set it on high, God will appear after ten minutes and slap you.

6. Stores became interested in Crocs after the popularity of Uggs -- Samantha Z. Youngblood, a buyer for Macy's, said, "We found out that consumers will buy a lot of ugly shit."

Uggs

7. Crocs are known as a very comfortable shoe, in so far as wearing plastic on your feet could be considered comfortable.

8. In 2006, a group of Australian crocodiles sued the company for $12 million for copyright infringement. Following the death of Steve Irwin, however, the group lost momentum and dropped the suit.

9. Karl Rove claims that whenever GWB wears his black Crocs (see below), ole George calls Karl "Turd Blossom" just a little more often.

Vacation Vignette One

2008-07-04T18:27:00.003-05:00

We took 596 photos in our two weeks in California and Oregon, so I guess we'll slowly reveal them to you in short vignettes. Here's one from the Oregon leg of our trip, which was the second week, but it doesn't matter if we're chronological, does it?

We shipped ourselves off to the Oregon coast for some fun beachside times for 3 days. Some people there call this area "the coast," but to me "the coast" means the Mississippi Gulf Coast, so they must be absolutely wrong and confused. While there, we learned about a kite festival going on at "D River"--which we began calling "d'river"-- in Lincoln City, a half hour from where we were staying.

You might remember our love of our own hippie daughter kite, something we wrote about back in the day.

We were expecting big things from this kite festival. They were attempting a world record of some kind for the most kites in the air at the same time. All the way down there, everywhere we stopped, people would say, "Are you heading to the kite festival?" Others on the web have already posted their photos, and I've stolen them to show you:

But we never saw any of that. By the time we got through traffic and found parking, we made it in time to see this:

Oh, and we also saw a 13-year old boy crash his kite in the sand 3 times. Happy 4th of July, everyone! Don't blow your hand off!

Fixed!

2008-07-04T01:23:00.002-05:00

Ever go back to read every post of the GLORY!blog but get frustrated because of the broken images? Well, be frustrated no more! Over a period of several days (taking my time, I'm not psychotic, you know) I read through all the posts (which was a joy in itself, of course) and fixed all the unwise "hotlinking" (etc.) that we used to do. Now every images is on our site and accounted for, even the ones that weren't yet missing.

Now you too can go back and re-live the past 4+ years of the best blog on the internet. Here are some pictures you may have missed if you attempted to do so before now:

Our first blinkie.

Our favorite female Muppet (our favorite male Muppet being Elton John).

Remember this on the Fourth of July.

What the fuck is this? A Mickey Mouse bee?

Don't forget Bird Poo Jesus.

Miss Potter.

M&M Honeymoon.

My Sim obsession that I'll try hard not to bring back here, but I can't promise anything.

Andre 3000.

Tim and Eric

2008-07-02T13:11:00.003-05:00

While we're uploading, sorting, and diddling the privates of the pictures we took to the west coast, I thought we'd let everyone know our newest entertainment recommendation:

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

The DVD of the first season is out now. You can find clips on their web site (though they work better in the context of the 12 minute shows). I recommend this one: Sit On You.

Father's Day Tribute to The Len Man

2008-06-15T14:23:00.006-05:00

The Len Man leads a charmed life. In 1972, he scored Mary Hoffman née Strickhouser, convincing her to marry him. She sticks by him through his Tommy Bahama phase.

By 1978, the Len Man had two babies, and was known for being good with kids . . .

. . . and good with babies. He seems to have passed his hairdo onto his only grandson.

A little known fact about the Len Man is that he's an excellent dancer, especially at weddings.

The Len Man, however, hasn't always been about leisure and recreation. Among his fellow officers at the Metro Dade Police Department, he was known for his bravery and for his skills in Human Resources. Ask him a question about background checks or psychological evaluations and he's your man.

But after retiring, he's been much more relaxed, honing his athletic skills, and even appearing on the cover of Golf Digest.

His sports exploits extend to his fine throwing arm in the game of Frisbee golf, as shown below.

Despite his masculine athletic skills, he's not afraid to sip pink girly drinks aboard his beloved cruise ships.

He's also known for his fine camera work.

And make no mistake about it: he managed to grow an actual tomato in his own backyard.

And he's a member of the famous Rus & Len Comedy Duo.

But through it all, he's loved his daughter.

He's the Happy Len who somehow leads the most charmed life of anyone.

BLOOQUE

2008-06-14T19:26:00.002-05:00

Don't just sit there staring! Click the image to visit Blooque!

For Your Pals and Confidants

2008-06-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

If you ever find yourself wanting to give a Golden Girls DVD box set to someone, here is how you should do it:

1. Wait until you're invited to a party the person is throwing in which they've invited everyone they know. Make sure it's a party where guests are bringing gifts.

2. Find the biggest box you can find (maybe a refrigerator box) to wrap your Golden Girls DVD in.

3. Attach a card to the box that says "Thank you for being a friend."

Getting the Message Out

2008-06-10T15:53:00.003-05:00

I'm not usually one for posting Youtube videos, but as a "blogger," I was compelled by the strong message here.

Celebrity Lookalikes (Again)

2008-06-09T02:25:00.005-05:00

Back in the early days of the GLORY!blog (namely here, here, and here), Carrie and I posted pictures of celebrity lookalikes (of us). There's one more:

Austin Scarlett, of Project Runway

And here are some more pictures of Kristin Davis for fun:

Click If You Dare Part III

2008-06-08T00:10:00.001-05:00

Here.

Click If You Dare Part II

2008-06-05T01:50:00.001-05:00

Here.

Click If You Dare

2008-06-03T22:20:00.001-05:00

Here.

Carrie & Rusty Life News

2008-05-27T00:58:00.003-05:00

School's been out and we've had a busy Memorial Day eating tiny cupcakes, playing card games, and following each other around the house so we guess it's finally time to announce our big, big news. No, not that.

Here it is . . . are you ready:

1. We won't be teaching at UTPA next year.
2. We're leaving the tip of Texas at the end of July.
3. In fact, we're leaving Texas altogether.
4. We are moving to Alabama.
5. Auburn, to be exact.
6. Because we each got a job as an instructor at Auburn University! Hoot to us.

It's a "lateral move" as they say, but will be better jobs in that we'll have smaller class sizes and will be teaching 4 classes in the fall and 3 in the spring, instead of 5 classes each semester like we've got now. Less work means more time to update the GLORY!blog.

We visited Auburn last week.

Here we are in front of the building that's on every brochure.
The campus has a very collegiate feel. I was impressed with it.

This is Rusty showing his War Eagle pride.

I took my ponytail with me.

This is the Haley Center that will house our office. Rusty will get his hair cut there, and if you get that joke, we will mail you something we don't want to move.

Here we are in front of the English Office!

We also went house hunting, which was fun! We chose the sixteenth house!

And here it is. Note all the huge pine trees and the baby magnolia tree that Rusty will bow down to every morning. No cacti here.

Our new address, by the way, will be 666 Shawnee St. The mark of the beast!

This is the street Noby will eventually live on.

Mary Hoffman Mother's Day Tribute

2008-05-10T17:25:00.004-05:00

1978: She shows me off outside Baptist Hospital in Miami, her arm crooked just so.

She loves me even though I am beginning to resemble Frankenstein's monster.

I am getting a little cuter and she seems, if possible, even happier in this nicely framed shot.

Halle Berry never looked this good. My mom takes me to the pool and protects my soft spot.

She made those dinks in my hair.

November, 1998: she comes to Ithaca to cook turkey dinner in my tiny student apartment.

2003: she comes to Hattiesburg for hugs.

2006: she comes to Hattiesburg again for some frisbee golf and graduation fun.

She gets all dressed up for it.

November, 2006: Again, she comes to help cook turkey dinner, this time in McAllen and a much bigger kitchen. In return, I provide her with a jar of turkey gravy.

July, 2007: my rehearsal dinner, she still lets me sit on her lap.

She's the prettiest.

"Carrie" 20

2008-04-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

Hannah Montana

2008-04-29T01:30:00.002-05:00

Like everyone else with a credible media outlet, we were shocked at the Vanity Fair photograph of a bare-backed Miley Cyrus.

We are more comfortable with the Miley of yesteryear in which she was presented as wholesome and not at all like anything resembling porn.

We expect nothing less from the Disney Channel. You don't see Aly and AJ posing for Annie Leibovitz or otherwise being seductive.

Please come back, Hannah Montana. It's not too late.

Zooropa

2008-04-13T21:09:00.003-05:00

Last Weekend we left our house and declared a mini-vacation, heading to the Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville. We'd been on the lookout for Fish Cones, and luckily, that was the first thing Rusty found.

We were pleased not to touch the monos.

A chimp is different than a monkey because it doesn't have a tail. This is what I remember from the animal behavior unit of my college Biopsychology class. Most people at the Gladys Porter zoo believe it's hilarious to throw people food at the chimps, especially crappy people food like nachos and buttered popcorn and crackers, so this chimp above is eating someone's gross cracker.

The gorillas aren't as lucky. We saw this gorilla vomit into his own hand and then slowly eat it.

This baby orangutan found some kind of grub wedged in at the bottom of the glass. He gave some little girls near us a thrill.

Contrary to popular belief, Darwin never said we came from monkeys. He said we have a common ancestor. We did, however, descend from a tadpole.

Also contrary to popular belief, dinosaurs are alive and well. Extinction is not forever! You simply pay an extra $2.50 to see them in a special indoor exhibit at the Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville.

These camels made us think of our favorite Fergie song.

We live on Flamingo Avenue, you know.

Bouganvillea is one of the prettiest of Darwin's creations.

Just ask the ostrich.

And this was the zoo's special tribute to motherhood.

Froglet

2008-04-03T00:31:00.001-05:00

The Slap Is Back

2008-03-25T02:08:00.003-05:00

Click the above image to visit our twin, The Slap Happy Sappy Blog. They died last Easter, but they've risen again. (It just took a little longer than three days.)

Parade of Babies in Honor of Baby Abenezer

2008-03-20T21:50:00.004-05:00

We've had a lot of babies to love lately. The newest is Baby Abenezer, above, who we finally will get to meet this summer. Here he is basking in the sun and showing a cute hand.

The most recent baby we've actually met is Baby Ronan. Here he is basking in our love.

We haven't met Baby Sylvie yet, but this picture was taken a bit ago and she's probably halfway through "A White Heron" by now. When we meet her, she'll probably call us provincial.

And, of course, there's The Baby Jasper, our nephling, thrilled by chips. We get to hang out with him this summer, too. You may remember that he was born on Easter weekend last year, which makes him almost one year old.

We also give shout-outs to Baby Finn and Baby Chloe, who are on the way in Louisiana and Florida respectively.

We would like one of these babies to move to McAllen. Any parents reading this who can make that happen will get free babysitting and some Pizza Hut coupons.

Have You Read Your Bible Today?

2008-03-19T01:10:00.002-05:00

You have a choice: 1. Read "Bible Stories." 2. Be damned for eternity.

Hint: one option is clearly more amusing than the other.

Spring Is Here

2008-03-10T14:58:00.003-05:00

Oh Baby

2008-02-29T10:42:00.005-06:00

A preview of our good friend Kim Chinquee's new book Oh Baby is up on the Mississippi Review. Kim writes perfect sentences. You should check it out. Click the cover, designed by Pier Rodelon, to read some of her genre-bending work.

Then buy it on Amazon.

As soon as you click the purchase button, Kim will do a dance in Michigan for you. It will look something like this:

I'll Make Ya Famous

2008-02-25T22:39:00.004-06:00

Carrie's all proud of her photo with Chelsea "America's Princess Diana" Clinton, but I've got her beat with my large volume of picture of me with famous people. Observe.

CALVIN JOHNSON
Singer of Beat Happening, Dub Narcotic Sound System, The Halo Benders, owner of K Records, etc.

GARY GRUBBS
The southern guy from JFK, Fred's dad from Angel, etc.

MARY ROBISON
Minimalist author of Why Did I Ever, etc.

STEPHIN MERRITT
Leader of The Magnetic Fields, The 6ths, The Gothic Archies, etc.
(Note: I'm not pictured, but I took the photo.)

TED ROONEY
Actor from ER, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Roswell, Gilmore Girls, Monkeybone, etc.

MARILYN MONROE
Most do-able woman in history, etc.

COLONIAL MICKEY
Landed gentry, owner of several slaves, etc.

PLUTO
No longer planet, etc.

LINUS
Philosopher, President of the Center of the Irregularly Shaped Head Foundation, etc.

CHUCK E. CHEESE
Friend of Mr. Munch, Jasper T. Jowls, etc.

ALICE
The one you should go ask, etc.

CAST OF LES MISERABLES
Masters o' de 'ouse, etc.

ROBIN HOOD
Out "foxed" the sheriff, etc.

LATELY DAVID
Take their papers to the county seat, etc.

T-REX
Was clocked, ruled the earth, etc.

ROCKY
Was your guide through Phobia Land, etc.

THE LEN MAN
Father of most beautiful woman alive, etc.

THE WEASELS
Learned that one of these days they were gonna die laughin', etc.

MR. H
Friends with Mr. M ("with a munchy mouth"), etc.

TODD
"Whoah, Todd...," etc.

THE BIRD CRAP THAT LOOKS LIKE JESUS ON MY CAR WINDOW
The image of our savior, road trip companion, etc.
(Note: I'm not pictured here either because I wanted to give him all the glory.)

Take that!

Rusty and Carrie's Political Weekend

2008-02-23T16:00:00.005-06:00

On Friday, Barack Obama came to speak at our university. This was my vantage.

Carrie was doing boring student conferences during the Obamamania, but we got to have some Chelsea Clinton love together the next day. Here she is morphing into her mother the Hill-Dog atop the bed of a pickup truck in downtown Edinburg. (Some Obama supporters showed up with their posters as well, but the Hillary crowd made them go to the back of the bus.)

And here she is being given a rhinestone-studded belt that clearly wasn't made for someone with such a petite frame. It was reminiscent of the time that the governor came to my high school and the students put a do rag on his head.

Who knew that one of Chelsea's people was star of stage and screen Chloe Sevigny?

Finally, the two hot 90s Ladies got to meet. Carrie said, "I hope you enjoy your belt." (No, really.)

Neither of us saw John McCain anywhere, so here's a picture of him and his wife:

It was the most exciting time in my life since George Bush Sr. came to visit... and I got to see him greeted by "Mouth of the South" Jerry Clower!

The Day Late Valentine Post

2008-02-15T21:03:00.002-06:00

"What Happened To My Valentine's Day GLORY!blog Post?"

2008-02-15T13:18:00.003-06:00

We're having Valentine's Day on Saturday. We have the power to let holidays land whenever we want them to, at our convenience. We're not necessarily promising anything clever here tomorrow, but tune in to find out.

They've been enjoying their pool table and washer & dryer for a year now!

2008-02-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

Happy Anniversary to Tom-fee and Melinda, our buds over at the recently defunct Slap Happy Sappy Blog!

We were thrilled that they could eat their wedding cake off our hotel room ironing board in Las Vegas!

Viva Las Vegas! Viva the Burtons!

Sexy Sadie

2008-02-08T23:07:00.000-06:00

Maharishi, what have you done?
You made a fool of everyone.
Maharishi, you broke the rules.
You layed it down for all to see.

One sunny day, the world was waiting for a lover.
He came along to turn on everyone.
Maharishi: the greatest of them all.

Maharishi, how did you know
The world was waiting just for you?
Maharishi, you'll get yours yet,
However big you think you are.

We gave him everything we owned just to sit at his table.
Just a smile would lighten everything.
Maharishi, he's the latest and the greatest of them all.

Leo Johnson

2008-02-06T01:14:00.000-06:00

A Little Mary Robison For Your Super Bowl Sunday

2008-02-03T20:45:00.001-06:00

"Now he and I are watching some men with a ball. No matter the size or shape of the ball, what team or for what country the men fight. The TV is showing men with a ball so we're watching."

from Why Did I Ever

Losing Is For Losers

2008-02-02T01:08:00.000-06:00

The Answers To the Lost Game That You Lost

Thanks, Jason!

She's so disappointed in you.

Rusty Turns 33!

2008-01-28T23:09:00.000-06:00

Tell him how much you love him now, you blog-reading people.

The NPR Generation

2008-01-24T04:50:00.000-06:00

"So there literally seems to be this disconnect between this sort of desire to be nonpartisan and a kind of, you know, need to enter into a dialogue that will engage the larger community."

Hey, kids, did you pick out all the annoying words and phrases in the above nonsense sentence that semi-smart people use to mask the fact that they actually have nothing much to say? If you're annoyed by at least four of them, consider yourself my pal!

Here are the correct ways to use some of these words and phrases:

"Phil Spector got away with murder... literally."
"Hey, Noby, can you disconnect my speakers?"
"Are you hungry?" "Sort of."
"That's kind of you to say."
"This story has very little dialogue."
"Jean-Luc Picard says 'Engage!'"

The Lost Guessing Game

2008-01-14T20:54:00.001-06:00

Here's a good, quick, lazy way to get back into the gloryblog posting post-Christmas: let Jason Bell do the work for us! Over at the Lunch Journal, he's put up a Lost guessing game based around pictures that Carrie drew at the Nobriga New Year's Eve Rockin' Good Time Bash and Niblets Party.

Click on this picture of ???????? to play:

P.S. If you don't watch Lost already, this post should make you want to.

Christmas Lights Are Twinkling, Presents are Wrapped, Stockings are Filled, Snow is Falling Somewhere Else, and Me and My Baby Are Sleeping 'Til Noon

2007-12-16T14:37:00.000-06:00

If you ever want to write a Christmas song, all you have to do is describe Christmas in basic sentences. Here's one called "My Christmastime Philosophy," from the American Song Poem Christmas: Daddy Is Santa Really Six Foot Four album, which is the soundtrack of this post below.

Rusty and Carrie's Christmas Preparations in Story Form

Once there were two humans named Rusty and Carrie who had Christmas stockings filled with goodies. Rusty's name was on his stocking, and Carrie--who was handy with computers for a girl--was able to put her name digitally on hers.

They were full of the Christmas spirit in 2007. They knew the year because Rusty gave Carrie, who he called Bunny, a Christmas ornament with the date on it. She had already opened it because they celebrated Christmas in stages.

They also knew how many days until Christmas it was, because Santa Claus told them.

They always remembered the true reason for the season, especially this year because Carrie bought Rusty a toy nativity set from Target, a place they went to blow large wads of cash. Blowing large wads of cash seemed to be the reason for the season, although they sometimes had a hunch that there was some other reason. At any rate, Rusty was very talented at setting up the nativity.

Rusty is interested in Bible Stories, and his favorite one is when, just after the magi bring gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the infant Savior, Valentine Snoopy pops into Bethlehem to give the Virgin Mary a kiss. Few remember that in the Old Testament, R2D2 is on the scene to help make sure there's enough straw in the manger.

Rusty also re-enacted the not-very-well-known story of how the Baby Jesus had to fight off an evil ninja.

Then Rusty and Carrie also decked out their classiest graduation and wedding presents, and were proud to show them to their internet friends.

For many years, Carrie and Rusty had been collecting Christmas tree ornaments while on vacation. It may have seemed strange to be buying things in July and August, but once December came around, it was all worth it, giving them happy reminders of where they had traveled that year and in previous years. They also thought ornaments were the best souvenirs because they didn't clutter or junk-ify the house for the rest of the year. Carrie and Rusty were proud of their small collection, which made a very handsome and festive tree. They had a glass balls from Graceland and Universal Studios, a small cable car from San Francisco where Carrie's brother lives, a gold star from UTPA where they teach, a Coca Cola bottle from a 1950s souvenir store in Missouri where the Wilkinson-Oates duo got married, a cow skull from the Alamo, Las Vegas and Hoover dam ornaments from when they went to see the Slap Happy Sappy blog get married, a mini-Cracker Barrel restaurant from Florida, and two very special ones from that year. They got married on South Beach, where they found a flamingo ball, and they also spent their honeymoon in St. Augustine, where they found a wooden bride and groom ornament.

Christmas is a special time for eating ham and sitting on couches. That's our Christmastime philosophy.

The Little Green Christmas Light

2007-12-13T02:15:00.000-06:00

Click on the image below to read the Christmas story for children that Carrie and I created.

Warning: Nothing about the story is ironic, subversive, or insincere. Furthermore, it really is intended for children. You've been warned.

It's the New Style

2007-12-01T15:50:00.001-06:00

Hope you enjoy the makeover to the glorybliggle.

Love and Letters Music Blog

2007-11-28T20:08:00.000-06:00

MySpace friends will know that I've been posting a "songaday" of my stuff as bulletins. I've now got a blog up for my Love and Letters Music stuff. So if you like a little Rusty music each day, click the graphic below.

Happy Thanksgiving from the GLORY!blog

2007-11-21T14:44:00.000-06:00

When we went to the Texas flea market today, we found some very rare early Norman Rockwell prints, ones he made before his famous "Freedom from Want" appeared on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post. We bought each of these for 25 cents each. It's amazing that the subjects have such a resemblance to me and Rusty. I guess that's what makes them so special.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Donate blankets to your favorite charities, in honor of our early American history.

My Child Is An Honors Student Who Made You Some Bumper Stickers

2007-11-12T18:07:00.001-06:00

Although I created all of these bumper stickers, I do not neccessarily endorse the opinions expressed therein (and neither does Carrie):

What We've Been Up To

2007-10-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, we went to South Padre Island and faked a vacation for a day. We made the obligatory stop at Amberjack's and took the obligatory photo you've already seen here and here. I even managed to wear the same shirt as in the first one:

We managed to make it in time for Sand Castle Days, proudly advertised by many fine sand castle sponsors.

It's a little weird to have Halloween-themed sandcastles, but that's the way down here in the borderlands. We ain't scared of gettin' cold. We're only scared of the chupacabra.

This sand castle has my name on it.

This was the scariest, the old man with the fish. Once Rusty told me that when you get old, you start wrinkling and turning old-looking because death was slowly creeping into your body. I love my husband!

This week we waited until the last minute, but we managed to pull out some Halloween fun this afternoon. We didn't waste our time with knives and pumpkin guts; we drew right on the damn things with brand new Sharpies. Here's this year's line-up of pumpkins:

I won't bother telling you who made which pumpkin because it's obvious, but if you're a moron, here's Rusty holding his.

Here I am with my pumpkins.

I wrote secret ghost messages on the back.

Congrats to Our Friends Amy and Nate, and Their New Bundle of Bundles

2007-10-24T14:53:00.000-05:00

Sylvie Baker Oates, born Friday, October 19th, a whopping 10 lbs and 10 ounces, being displayed below:

The Amazing Answers Revealed: and then Tonight We Eat Chicken Nuggets and Revel in our own Flatulance

2007-10-19T18:18:00.000-05:00

1. "You could get a taste of bacon."

Ava Spell said this, then we got three or four pieces of bacon apiece.

2. "It's cuz . . ."

Every Pan Am student

3. "I love y'all's house."

Vicki Spell, followed by her wondering why we had separate rooms according to the pictures. We have offices that look like bedrooms!

4. "I didn't even know my belly was showing."

Amy Day Wilkinson, of the cute belly pictured in the last post.

5. "Do we got any more of them muscle shirts?"

Tommy Burton, redneck extraordinaire.

6. "What kind of sandwiches do you like, Rusty?"

Mary Hoffman, making a mental FBI file on Rusty.

7. "I didn't have any Faith Hill CDs, so you know . . . I thought I'd try it out."

Leonard Hoffman, explanation of explanations.

8. "I think I know that bird."

F. Barthelme, about a bird described in a story.

9. "Are you spendin' de night?"

Jason Logan, of Pearl, MS, who didn't want Hattiesburg stealing his uncle any more.

10. "There was deoderant and clippers, right together."

Ava Spell, who keeps track of lost items.

11. "You knoooow, I might wanna go."

Aunt Gwen, who DID go to the wedding.

12. "Why is the Bounty in the box?"

Courtney Ahuja, age 21.

13. "I'ma get gas."

Ashton Spell, age 4, post-Hurricane Katrina, hops in her toy car and says this, having listened to the adults way too much.

14. "Your mama's so pretty."

Melissa Burton on Mary Hoffman.

15. "And that's OK."

Audrey the wedding planner about our weird ideas.

16. "You have BETRAYED Dr. Pepper."

Former Miss Edinburg, Audrey, in class when Rusty brought a Coke.

17. "Five more, Carrie."

Joel the personal trainer

18. "Peter! The Scottish Inn?"

Rie Fortenberry to Peter Brown, wondering why he advised a prospective Center for Writers grad student to stay at the Scottish Inn.

Quips "N Quotes

2007-10-14T21:30:00.000-05:00

Now that you've answered the book titles challenge, it's time to take the GLORY!Famous Quotes Challenge. Name the speaker of these entries from the upcoming edition of Bartlett's.

1. "You could get a taste of bacon."

2. "It's cuz . . ."

3. "I love y'all's house."

4. "I didn't even know my belly was showing."

5. "Do we got any more of them muscle shirts?"

6. "What kind of sandwiches do you like, Rusty?"

7. "I didn't have any Faith Hill CDs, so you know . . . I thought I'd try it out."

8. "I think I know that bird."

9. "Are you spendin' de night?"

10. "There was deoderant and clippers, right together."

11. "You knoooow, I might wanna go."

12. "Why is the Bounty in the box?"

13. "I'ma get gas."

14. "Your mama's so pretty."

15. "And that's OK."

16. "You have BETRAYED Dr. Pepper."

17. "Five more, Carrie."

18. "Peter! The Scottish Inn?"

GLORY!books

2007-10-03T00:08:00.000-05:00

Hey, kids! Our arch-nemesis the Q-Tip man (or possibly his brother) has stolen the authors and titles from the covers of famous books!

"I have stolen the authors, titles, and ISBN numbers!"

This leaves us in a dilly! Can you figure out what books these are supposed to be?! The librarian can't shelf the books if she doesn't know what they're called! Please help us by leaving comments with your guesses for these book titles! There will be no prizes!

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN

EIGHT

NINE

TEN

ELEVEN

TWELVE

THIRTEEN

FOURTEEN

FIFTEEN

SIXTEEN

SEVENTEEN

EIGHTEEN

NINETEEN

TWENTY

TWENTY-ONE

TWENTY-TWO

TWENTY-THREE

TWENTY-FOUR

TWENTY-FIVE

TWENTY-SIX

Good luck! We're counting on you!

How To Draw Mickey Mouse

2007-09-28T16:53:00.000-05:00

STEP ONE

Begin with some cross-hairs. You'll want your Mickey to be proportional, so this is an important early step. Use a ruler for precision and faint pencil lines so that you can erase later.

STEP TWO

Mickey is composed of a series of circles. This one will give you an idea of where the head should be. Additional circles will stem from this one. Use a protractor for perfect circles.

STEP THREE

Grab your ruler again and draw lines to represent where the body will go: torso, legs, and arms.

STEP FOUR

Draw Mickey!

It's just that simple!